30sep04
I take absolutely no credit for this. I found it three years ago and only now rediscovered it on my hard drive.
I've tried using the link at the bottom of this page but it was dead.
If you by chance are the original writer (Or know who it is) I intend no theft. I just thought it was too funny to let die.
Please contact me so I can give you proper credit.
The Things I will Do if I Ever Become a Magic Girl.
01. I will not keep a Cute Animal Sidekick for its own sake. Keeping useful ones will be considered on a case by case basis. If it can't out perform the Taco Bell Dog, straight to the animal shelter.
02. Two words: spade, neuter
03. My filly brightly colored outfit will if possible, lined with Kevlar at the least.
04. If I out power my true love by several magnitudes, I will not let him rescue me to appease his machismo or my sense of romanticism.
05. I will make sure my true love regularly visits his doctor and keeps his shots up to date. He's always being kidnapped, shot, stabbed, killed, brainwashed, beat up, and left in sewer grates.
06. Two more words: life insurance.
07. I will try to learn how to tap into my inner powers without starting the transformation sequence.
08. I will make every attempt to shorten my transformation sequence, barring that I will stay powered up 24/7 and just wear something over the fuku.
09. I will inform my family about my secret I.D. It's a security risk sure, but hiding it from them creates undue pressure, at least they will understand why they are constantly being possessed, drained, terrorized, ect...ect...
10. I will prepare a backup plan if/when my secret I.D. is discovered. I mean, a tiara can't possibly fool the bad guys for very long.
11. No matter how much more powerful than a normal girl my transformation makes me, I will acquire skills above that of a school yard scrapper.
12. No matter how cute they are, I will not fall for the Dark General. However, if he falls for me, I WILL take full advantage of the situation.
13. I will not assume that everybody with other worldly abilities is working for the evil empire unless confronted with rock solid evidence. It saves time better spent on fighting recognized threats to humanity.
14. How ever, I will heed the advice of my confidants when they warn me of danger.
15. I will not worry about killing humans in battle. If I can slaughter demons, aliens, and robots by the thousands, the occasional axe murderer should present no problem.
16. I will acquire a firearm and become proficient at using it. Why burn out my HP and devastate a civilization defeating the Dark Queen when a 9mm hollow point between the eyes works just as well?
17. If my attack sequence occurs in real time, definitely check into that 9mm.
18. Three words: conceal carry permit.
19. I will study multiple works on military tactics, especially those sections on surprise attacks, divide and conquer, camouflage....
20. I will dispense with the goofy speeches, or hold off until the monster has been defeated.
21. I will see about altering my costume and retaining my super powers. If possible I will create mission specific outfits (no mini-skirts or high heels in the Arctic please.) Or see about ditching the frilly brightly colored outfit entirely.
22. I *will* go the Sailor V route. Have my likeness copy righted and trademarked and have it put on comic books, videogames and anything that will make me a ton of money, which I will use to make me and my sidekicks better equipped.
23. If the cute animal sidekick knows more than me about my super powers, I will demand it tell me everything and not wait until I'm about to be killed to reveal some power that could have ended the threat sooner.
24. When I head off for the final battle, I will make the cute animal sidekick coughs up all the super duper power ups and tell about potential allies before hand. Not to wait until next season to do so.
25. If the cute animal sidekick can talk, while out as normal girl, I will keep a muzzle on it.
26. I will use my brain when fighting. If the bad guy and a minion are standing next to each other, the bad guy is the one to take out first. I can deal with the nitwit some other time.
27. I will find a better way of killing bad guys other than throwing a magic Frisbee at them.
28. I will try to keep the sidekick who can shoot fire and/or laser beams around me all the time. The one who shoots bubbles is less important.
29. No matter how stupid they may look, I will keep any and all magic trinkets. They come in handy sooner or later. I will keep the transformation doohickey on me at all times. The bad guys aren't going to wait for me to go home and get a deely-bobber.
30. When I have defeated the Dark General and he tries to speak, I won't hesitate to blast him. He had plenty of chances for diplomacy BEFORE trying to conquer/enslave/destroy the world/universe/life-as-we-know-it.
31. I will move out of the sexist town where every body is forced to dress in sailor outfits.
32. I will get a helmet. Large chunks of rock tend to hurt when striking my skull.
33. I will not shout out the name of my attacks, since that removes the element of surprise. If they are voice activated, I will WHISPER the names.
34. I will change my hairstyle on occasion. No double pony tails, please
http://lonestar.texas.net/~jinnai/mg.html